OK, so yeah, I'm publishing another MYSPACE survey I answered. I know its neither interesting or insightful, but sometimes I do it to get my "writing juices" flowing ... I know, that sounds gross. I have been writing lots of stuff and NOT posting it .. don't cry, you'll see it soon enough. But I'm posting this because it may very well be evidence of me losing my mind. Not necessarily the answeres laced with bitter humor that just scream for me to get professional help, but the fact that this morning I wrote this, and just looking at it now, I don't remember writing the answer to 13. Not the last part of it. I honestly don't remember writing that ... but I know I did. So, yeah, losing my mind.
Speaking of losing my mind, I'm reminded of one of my favorite freak out movies .. JACOB'S LADDER. Why am I reminded of it now, do I think that my day to day experience is merely my mind going through its final death throes .. no, because "CLIMBING JACOB'S LADDER" by Huey Lewis and The News was just on the radio and ... hey, its Huey Lewis.
OK, have fun.
Take comfort in the fact that I deleted half of this ridiculous survey.
DONT WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THIS ONE
1. Describe your ex in two words:
HULK ANGRY
2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
Yeah the pen-knife. It allows me to hold in my hand the timeless debate .. "is the pen mightier than the sword" the answer is yes, especially if the pen is also a sword or knife or something sharp you can poke somebody with after writing them a letter saying "your a jerk."
3. Look at your planner for May 14th, what are you doing?
Coming over your house. OK, that's a lie, I won't be going over your house, I'll just STILL BE THERE, cause I'm there now, outside, with my pen-knife, writing you a letter. I'm just kidding, relax, I left my pen-knife at home. Brought my pencil-spoon though. So I can draw a sketch of you like Jack made of Rose in Titanic, and afterwards we can, you know, spoon. Isn't that romantic? If you like that, I'll show you my crayon-fork, we can color pictures and then, when the moment hits, we can ... i don't want to spoil the surprise.
4. What does the 4th text in your inbox say?
"Go screw yourself - mom"
5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
I highlighted my growing insanity by getting wildly drunk, showing off my private parts and shaving my head. No wait, that was britney spears.
6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
Sex color. That's right. The color of sex. Or the color of lonliness. I get confused. Oh wait, now looking at them, yeah, they are the color of tears. Wait, there's something in my eye.
7. What color are the seats in your car?
I hate this question. I refuse to answer this question. Why do you care what color my curtains are or car seats are or that I'm color blind and can't tell and you are just freakin mocking my pain and my handicap and that's not cool and not funny cause for the love of god this isn't SOUTH PARK and its not always funny to make fun of people. Grey.
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
I had a black cat and I had a white cat and they lived together in harmony. Though one time, in the heat of an argument the white cat said something derogatory about the black cat and all of a sudden Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson showed up complaining and trying to get the cat's on Oprah or something and I said, listen guys, nobody wants to hear about a couple of pussies arguing with each other so just go home.
9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
Me. I tried to mail myself to someone who would love me. Even stamped FRAGILE across my forehead. But I was returned to sender cause I didn't have the proper postage. And as I was returned to myself I realized, I did get mailed to someone who loves me ... ME. And isn't that a great lesson?
10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
People live in Wyoming? Weird.
11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
Cause its fun to do. I do it all the time. Sometimes naked.
12. Who was the last baby you held?
Baby Jesus. Held him in my heart. Then, like most babies he cried a little, spit up on me and pooped his pants. Kind of tough to keep holding him, but what else can I do?
13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
If I did, and the parents also made them dress alike, I'd have to go up to the parents and smack them both on the head. Multiple times. Till they cried so much the twins would start laughing. Then I'd give the twins new names. I'd name them both after me.
14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste
Like it? I love it? I'm gonna marry it. We're gonna have very tasty plaque free children.
15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
The kind with wheels and doors and a prostitute inside.
16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators
Nitany Lions.
17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
That would be last year, when I was "asked to leave" because the guy dressed as Bugs Bunny when he would dress up like a girl bunny was "freaking me out" and, strangely enough, I started dancing with him, but the park "security" said that my "kind of dancing" was lewd and unwelcome in the park and that I "should get some professional help," so I'm taking funk classes taught by J-Lo's ex husband's housecleaner's husband's girlfriend.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Yeah but I don't know where it is. Oh there it is, on the wall. And on the floor. And the ceiling.
19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
Your cowardly heart. And my crayon-fork, its yellow.
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