LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THIS!!!!!

“Be positive!”
“Look on the bright side!”
“You gotta find the silver lining”
Really!?? REALLY!?!?!

You know what? When I’m in a bad mood, that shit doesn’t help. Having a friend look at me with a sympathetic smile, you know, the kind normally reserved for ugly puppies and homely babies and say ... “don’t think like that, be positive” - man if that doesn’t make me wanna smack those little rose colored glasses right of their face.

C’mon, it would feel good, right?
SMACK!!!! .. “No don’t cry, be positive about that. Look on the bright side of THAT. You find the silver lining on the back of my fucking hand!!?”

Oh they mean well. We all do, with our friends, most of the time right? I’ve been that guy too, sitting on my little exaulted throne of “being happy,” looking down on friends shackled to their own pissy moods. I’ve reached out my hand to say ... “come with me, its easy, look on the bright side.” That’s what friends do. But its not always the right thing.

How about .. “go on be pissed, punch something, punch someone (just not me - or yeah me if your a real good friend), scream, break shit, brood for a bit, be pissy.” That would help I think. My therapist thinks it would, but what does he know, besides the fact that a neurotic, self loathing actor type like who pays him $120 an hour will NEVER run out of material.

So why am I pissed? Today??? Just frustrated. FRUSTRATED. We all know that chasing a dream is difficult .. for one thing, dreams are intangibles, like ghosts, but not the kind that can easily be understood with the help of a young, creepy, Haley Joel Osmet type. And shit, its just difficult, if it weren’t everyone would be chasing their dreams. Everyone. And most don’t .. to paraphrase Sanford Meisner “congratulate yourself for being in the less than 1% of all people who decide to chase their dreams.” Yeah, congratulations ... give me a fucking trophy why don’t you.

So what about today?.. well I didn’t get the role. Yeah, boo freakin hoo. I knew it was a long shot, but it was a long shot that I was in the running for. They say grab the bull by the horns, well that fucker’s tail was within my reach and even though smart money would bet against me, sometimes stupid money wins right? Not today.

Today I got an e-mail from my agent, little different from the weekly e-mail updates she had been sending me, e-mails like... “the good news is, its between you and two other guys, the bad news is they won’t know for a week,” this went on and on for a month. But today’s e-mail .. “you were still in it as of last week, on Saturday they cast it.” The guy - a little younger, a little taller, but with a helluva lot more credits, real credits, real film credits not little low or no-budget indie wannabe films, but a guy with an actual career, a guy who managed to grab the tail of that fucking bull, climb on back and go for the horns. Here’s the kicker, the e-mail concludes with “they wanted me to pass along that they think you are extremely talented.”

That’s great. I know, part of me does appreciate it, part of me thinks, “wow that is great." If they mean it. That's right, IF THEY MEAN IT. This is Hollywood people, rarely do people say what they mean and mean what they say. "Be positive," you may be tempted to say, just as I may be tempted to let my hand fly, so don't alright. But ok, fine, I'll be positive, what if they did mean it? Well, for fuck's sake that compliment and a buck won’t even get me a latte at Starbuck’s. Right? Right?

C'mon man, don't think like that, “Look on the bright side.” That's what my friends will continue to say. And no, I won't smack em, I'll fight the urge, cause the thing is I’m lucky to have em. But, for now, I just wanna be able to throw a tantrum, to be angry, to vent, to curse to the heavens and let that shit all out. And I guess I have.
With this.
For now.
Thanks for that.