Reflections on Turkey Day

Last year, on Thanksgiving, I wrote the following post:

So here we are again. Thanksgiving. A day to give thanks. The day to give thanks, as if we shouldn't give thanks every other day ... but yes, today's the day to give thanks.

A particularly weird one for me, first time I'm not spending it with my family or future family. Future family? What the hell does that mean? Well. I'll say it like this, at this time last year, on Thanksgiving, my stomach was in knots as I asked my girlfriend's father for his blessing, for permission to propose. No, not to him, to his daughter, my girlfriend. Permission was granted, though he likely regrets that now ... see, because the next day I followed through with my stated intentions - I proposed, and she said yes. We were in her home town, it was the day after thanksgiving, it was our 3 year anniversary, it was perfect.

Here I am, a year later, she's moved away, I now have roommates -- roommates that aren't her -- the engagement broken, the wedding cancelled, the only anniversary to be celebrated merely the calendar passing of a former anniversary. And to top it all off, I can't go home to see my family because of work. I know, I know boo freakin hoo for me, I'm just saying. And I don't know who the hell I'm justifying this too, since I'm pretty sure I'm the only guy reading this.

I'm still thankfull, for everything, for life, for love, for love lost, for family, friends, health etc.. I'm just saying ... This is the first time in a long time, perhaps ever, that thanksgiving is just another day. Albeit a day where I can eat and drink as much as I want and watch football with out feeling too bad about it. I'm willing to bet, however, i will feel bad.

here's to you, here's to turkey day, here's to next year's celebration being a bit better.

Yeah, I know, boo freakin hoo.
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As I posted "here's to next year's celebration being a bit better," I’m back to evaluate whether it was. Or wasn't. Cause I'm sure you are dying to know. And by YOU I mean Me cause I'm the only person reading this trash. And yes, yes, I can insult my own ranting.

I visited my family for thanksgiving. Not my entire family - not the uncles, the aunts, the cousins whom you claim you want to see more of but really don’t. The people to whom you have spent countless hours with throughout your lifetime just because you sprouted from a singular family tree. (this is not to say I don't like my relatives, I like many of them, there are some, however, I would prefer not to spend time with, and still others I will, to this day, deny I have any relation too) Not even my entire nuclear family (I like referring to them in terms of WMD's because sometimes, shit blows up) because while I went to Connecticut to see most of my siblings some did not join us in the joyous celebration of the day in which the Pilgrims began infecting the Native Americans with their English viruses.

My Dad did not join us - he was spending the holiday with his new wife. In North Carolina. Because he loves her more than us. NO that's not true, or maybe it is, but the man wanted to stay home and, more than likely, have sex with his new wife (and when I say new wife I mean new to him, not necessarily new, he didn't go out and marry some young bimbo which is to his credit, according to some schools of thought), but methinks he wanted to avoid the other WMD's all gathered together. My one sister, who lives down south, thought it was TOO MUCH to travel all the way from NC (do I complain that I traveled from Los Angeles? But she has 3 kids. Is that really my fault? Is it my fault I'm single with no kids and only half a life on a good day?). So she had a relaxing turkey day. And good for her. And my brother. No he didn't come. He's a Jehovah’s Witness and while I'm unsure of the tenants of that religion, I'm gonna assume that one of them outlaws the eating of turkey, or stuffing, or pie. So its only natural that he would not join us for the pagan holiday of Thanksgiving. But, I'm the youngest of 6 so even though the non-pagan, the newlywed and the stress queen couldn't make it, the rest did. But was it fun? Was it better than last year?

It was. It was different. But good. When you’re young, holidays are a blast. The family gets together and if the family is as much fun as mine CAN be, its great. But when your older, holidays act like a magnifying glass on your life. That's not quite right, they don't just magnify, they intensify everything. Your relationships. Your lot in life. Your view of others' lives. Relationships, etc...

My nieces and nephews are all getting bigger and smarter than me. I can see that in their eyes I am transforming from the cool, fun uncle to the sad, dorky, lonely, old guy who can still make them laugh while he cries on the inside.

My sisters still tend to treat me like the baby of the family. And no, its not because I'm wearing diapers, but because I am the youngest. Along with that, I consistently get the "oh yes, Thomas was mom's favorite," jokes and jabs. And you know what, if my siblings do feel that I was "the favorite" I'm sure that must feel awful, but here's a news flash - its not my fucking fault so back the fuck off. (thank you, I feel better)

But I love them all and, while I wonder why they should, think they feel the same about me - how could they not - I'm the favorite.

But it does intensify your look on life. I have no problem being single - I'm in my 30's, never married, obviously I'm quite good at being single. What I mean to say is, I don't need to be married to be complete. But during the holidays, when I look around and see everyone's families, there is a part of me that thinks ... I'm not part of the club and I never will be. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. It does remind me of what mom used to say, "I fear you'll never be married, but you'll never be lonely," and while I could offer up a couple married people who are in fact lonely - thanks to a bad marriage, it makes me wonder if she was right about me. Is that so bad?

Who knows people? Who knows?

All in all it was a good thanksgiving. But do you wanna know what was best about it? The love? No. The food? No. The laughter? Nope. The memories? Nope. ER. Yep. ER. We all gathered round the television to watch the VERY SPECIAL ER, where a bus crashes and Dr.Abby saves people and John Stamos doesn't shave. And the reason why it made the holiday best, cause there was this new character on it ... I think his name was "DANNY," a new helicopter EMT, and I don't know, there was something about that guy that made me happy. Made us all happy. Made us thankful for stuff and hopeful for the future.

Thank you Danny.

Thanks for everything.